This is a rant - raising boys versus girls

 If you are not into reading a rant over raising kids stop reading.  This is a post that I felt strong enough after listening to a conversation that I had to write. 

Woman of two boys mad as son (adult 18) borrowed something and didn't return it. It was a pass to get over a bridge so inconvenient in the extreme the next day.  Texted him angry about it and him not returning it. Then said "boys just don't think of those things."  Boys don't think of "those" things.  Those things are respect for other people. Returning something you borrowed.  Boys just don't think of those things as well they are boys. Give them a pass.

I had to stopped talking as knew I wasn't being heard over respect and giving "boys" a pass. Daughters are not giving a pass over respect. There is an expectation for females to respect, return, take care, do the right thing.  I know I am over simplifying it but seriously?  Boys don't think of those things.  Hmm....

Maybe this is why we teach our daughters how to be safe. Watch your drink. Make sure you park where it is lite. Leave with friends. What are we teaching our sons?  Doesn't seem to be the default is "no" when forcing/raping a female.  All I hear is unless they "say" no it means yes. 

NO! the default should be everything is NO unless she says yes lets have sex. So if she is drunk, stoned, can't communicate effectively.  Mumbling yes to everything doesn't mean males can say oh that was a yes to sex. Oh passed out that is a  no also.  

You might think this has veered off topic over not returning his mother's pass but has it?  Boys don't think of those things?  Why not? Why are they given a pass when females are not?  Why aren't we teaching our boys to be respectful? 

This is 2021 almost 2022 why is it still a man's world?  Maybe the place to start changing course is raising males to be respectful and not giving them a pass. That the world is not theirs to manipulate and rule. Females are not their "play" thing.  

Yes to teaching our daughters to be safe and have critical thinking and be aware of the world and what is happening right around them.  Also raising our sons to know the default is "NO" all the time. That they don't get a pass because they are male. They still have to do the right thing.  Period.

It starts at home.  

Keep it local. Keep it close

 It is almost that time of year again.  Someone said today 10 more Saturdays until Christmas.  WHAT! I'm not counting and confirming but thinking yeah likely right.  Also we have been hearing about delays and shortages.  Mail early to get there on time - you know the drill.

Part of this can easily be taken care of if we shop local. If we support our local boutiques and artisans.  Search in Instagram for local pottery.  What about checking out small local shops.  Decide among family and friend to only buy and support local.  Seriously most of us have enough stuff and Amazon will be okay if we shop local. I don't want to hear local costs more blah blah blah.  Maybe it costs more because it is better quality and not mass produced. 

What about not purchasing something that has to come through the mail hence delays. Yes know family/friends away we have to mail items but come on there are enough people near us to purchase items locally that don't have to be shipped.

 Set a limit for gifts so less or no debt in January.  Purchase gift certificates for local restaurants or spas. A lot of artisans are not doing craft shows as anxious. Still a pandemic people.  Why not support people in our community.  Feel good about supporting local and being part of a solution.

So keep it local. Keep it close.  Check out artisans boxes in your area. Maybe start supporting a particular artist if you like their pottery.  How cool would that be to start collecting pieces!  We can make a difference in our community.  Keep it local.  Keep it close.

 

Fall or Halloween Decorating or both

 Decorating your home for fall and/or Halloween.  Debate is it the same or different?  Major problems here if we can debate this! lol.  We have a few opinions.  One is why are we decorating at all? We are putting that one aside.

Yes to fall decorating. Getting the fall candles out, the pillows and blankets. To adding those brown, rusts and orange colors to your home automatically warms it up.  Fall decorating can start right after Labor Day!  Few of us feel a tad too early could we not wait until at least third week of September. Fine. Whatever.

Debate came over Halloween Decorating - putting it out once October hits. Is it part of Fall decorating? A totally different theme? What?  Fall decorating can be done with no Halloween in sight.  Oh really what about pumpkins? Seriously? Are pumpkins just considered a Halloween thing or a fall thing? 

What about all our pumpkin spice! That is not associated with Halloween.  No, definitely not. Majority of us are not putting pumpkins in the Halloween category. Yes they can be part of Halloween but they are also part of Fall decorating period.

Friend has a beautiful collection of glass pumpkins she puts out in September until almost when her beautiful Christmas collection comes out.  There is no Halloween in site and it doesn't even cross your mind when you are in her home.  

So what do you think? Is Halloween decorating part of Fall decorating or it's own thing?  Majority rules here so, we are going with it's own thing. If you love Halloween do it (yes you can use the pumpkins, black cats, ghosts the works!).  Incorporate it into your Fall décor - why not? 

It doesn't have to be an either/or.  We are off to have pumpkin spice lattes and/or mulled cider.  Whatever floats the boat.

   

What brings us joy

A fun post and also a gratitude post as we should be grateful to have things that bring us joy. They should be celebrated.  Here is goes!

• Find a new book series. Especially one that has been out for a while so you have years to catch up on.
• When the seasons change and you start burning your new fall/winter candles.
• Planning a vacation - discussing when and where. Making your "must see" list. Planning and the anticipation are half the fun of vacation!
• Finding a new series on Netflix and/or Prime.  Recommendations please!!
• The first snow fall.
• Autumn - when the trees are changing colors.  Breathtaking.
• December when one of us can start holiday decorating
• Long weekends with no plans
• Getting together with family and friends
• Putting the fleece sheets on the bed for winter
• Staying in a cool boutique hotel
• Doing crafts with friends - looking at Pinterest for ideas is part of it
• Hikes in the fall with the changing colors and cooler weather
• Holiday baking
• Time in a coffee shop to just be
• Finding a new wine and being blown away. You can't wait to share.
• Realizing we have a good life and being grateful for that.

10 things we love about Fall

For some of us Fall/Autumn is our favorite season.  Here are our top ten reason why!

1. Leggings. So comfortable and a staple in fall/winter wardrobe.  This leads to number 2
2. Boots.  Love love leggings and boots. Fall wardrobe is someone's favorite.
3. Fall colors. The red, orange and yellow leaves. When the trees change color it is breathtaking.
4. Pumpkin spice.  Lattes and muffins.  Can't get enough of them.
5. New lipstick for Fall.  What is trending and checking it out. Those deeper colors.
6. Cooler nights for sleeping. Having a humid summer and the nights are still hot so....
7. School back in.  Someone had to say it.  Back to the routine. 
8. Swapping out pursue. Some of us have a black pursue we use all year. A few of us like to change them out.  For a few years I had a pretty fresh green one for the summer. It is nice to switch things up.
9. Candles.  Someone favorite.  Fall scents just seem so cozy.
10. Fall décor. The oranges, mustard and cinnamon colors. There is a warmth and coziness in fall décor. Getting your candles out.  Putting that blanket on the back of the sofa. Maybe you have seasonal pillows. 

We would love to know what your fall highlight are.

Last three months of the year

 How is that possible? The days are long but the weeks/months have been fast. The weather is definitely fall here. Warmer days and cooler nights. Which is fine after the humidity we have experienced. Okay I'm not talking for ALL of us but I'm the one typing so........   

We were talking about getting some focus now that the seasons are changing. School back in. Summer vacations over.  That lead to projects or goals we wanted off our plate before we roll into a new year. The following is what we will be concentrating on.

In no particular order.....

• Meal prep.  Start making soups and chili that can be frozen. The plan is to listen to a podcast or audiobook while chopping, and prepping.  
• Paper - seriously pull it out and go through it.  Taxes, receipts, instructions (do we even still have that item?), cards and paper period.
• Get back into book club. Pick a book and a date. Done
• Clean out linen closet
• Organize the garage.  
• Organize the photos on phone.  This feels daunting. Plan is to break it down into small pieces of time. 10-15 minutes here and there. Maybe start with deleting duplicates and out of focus. 
• Schedule and hopefully have a dentist and doctor appointments have been putting off

What do you have on your list to check off before the end of the year?  We would love to hear it! Maybe we'll have to add to ours.

Opting out a few of our ideas

One of us has been listening to Cait Flanders Opting Out Podcast.  She wrote two books one about not spending and the more recent The Adventures of Opting Out.  The podcast is enjoyable as Cait is easy to listen to - no drama. She usually tapes it outside so water, wind and her seeing the occasionally animal or one week a proposal. 

So we thought it would be fun to give our list of "opting out" here it goes....

• Drama - don't need or want.  Maybe on the screen but that is about it.
• Negative people and/or conversation.  Yes we need to debrief and that can get negative.  But you know the people we mean. It is all negative. They are victims and nothing is held accountable for them.
• Events we are not interested in. We say yes because we feel we should. That being alone is not an excuse. It is. If not a special occasions we can say no. Our time and needs are important also.
• Book recommendations and books people give us.  If we are not interested say so and don't take the book. Or if you do, start it and it doesn't catch your attention don't bother finishing it.  Yes you heard that right you don't have to finish a book you are not enjoying.  Yep, it is okay you have permission.  Life is short there are a lot of books read one you want.
• Shopping for the sake of shopping.  One of us is doing Project 333 where we wear 33 items for three months. No shopping. It is to see what we have in our closets and what we really want and wear. It is okay to say no to shopping with friends for the sake of shopping. Meet them for lunch later.
• Not to answer the phone if we are exhausted and know that person is just calling to talk. Nothing major just talk (which is great) but not at our expense.  One of us is taking a no answering the phone in the evenings for a bit - leave a message. One friend said she had a phone phobia.  Seriously. Creating boundaries is okay. You do not have to be at people's demand 24/7. 
• You decided what you want to opt out of.  Maybe it is working full-time. Too much over-time. Too many activities on your or family plate.  Keeping up appearances.  Have a look around and see what you can opt out of.